I think I missed that this journey called life and especially life with a disease is a roller coaster ride. I didn't realize that no matter how great you think you are "dealing" and going to the word, relying on the Lord there will be tough times, which I have had to accept and accept that fact that it is not always a bad thing. Lately I feel like the realities of Lyme disease has hit me. Prior to about a week ago if "Susie" would have come up to me and told me my life story I probably would have been like, "Oh my goodness I could not imagine going through that...how do you do it?" It hit me...that is me. that is my story. The hardest times are times when I realize my body is functioning differently now. As soon as I push myself its like clock work I always get sick...I guess "more sick"...no matter what if I work a 10 hour shift I will sleep for about 14 hours and not wake up no matter what or if I do I feel like I can physically not get out of bed.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" Galatians 6:2
I also have realized there needs to come a point when reality needs to sink in. I think I am entering that phase...even though it has been 2.5 months since the official diagnosis and probably about 6 months since the idea of Lyme has been tossed around. The reality is in March I could work 12 hour shifts days in a row and be tired but it be no problem, but now after 5 hours my knees are usually hurting so bad I know I slack in my job and because I am in pain I am rude to customers and worst of all my co-workers. I remind myself of scripture (Psalm 51:10) through out the day every day. The reality is that today I had to call out from work, I have left the house once for about 15 minutes, sat on the couch the rest of the time, attempted to study (mid-term tomorrow) but my head was pounding, so around 7:00 pm I migrated to my room where I now lay with a heating on the back of head/neck because it hurts too bad and my grandmothers prescription arthritis cream on my knees. Not exactly how I pictured my college life.
I definitely would describe myself as hard-headed in the way that I usually won't admit when I just feel like crap, but I think I have hit a wall. If you have read this far this isn't meant to be a "poor me" story...please don't remind me daily of what I am going through. You are free to remind me that you are praying for me or to ask me questions about it, completely fine with me!
I definitely would not have made it this far without the people I have been blessed with in my life. Between my mom who I know would and practically has given up everything for my brother and I to figure this Lyme thing out and a dad who doesn't always understand but I know if I sent him a list of things I needed he would go to wal-mart (or starbucks =] ) at 1 am to get what I needed to help feel better. I have a wonderful community at church, people praying along side of me, one who is practically a big sister and a community of other brothers and sisters who remind me they are praying for me and best of all remind me of truth.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" Galatians 6:2
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and RENEW a STEADFAST spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeZNJN5JHwY&feature=related
(The last minute is my favorite =] )
