He did not half way die.

I have been really convicted and burdened by the thought of..."What would it look like in 2011 to really lay everything down for the gospel"

My life playlist the past few weeks has been these 4 songs: Blessings, Lifting My Burdens, Awakening, and Beautiful Things. The Lord has been teaching me something different from each song. Blessings has made me realize that it does take me a thousand sleepless night to know that He is near...why does it take such hardship to sometimes make how big God is real in my life?While Lifting My Burdens reminds me that He does lift my burdens but I have to give them him first...I try to be "strong nina" and fix it and go through it alone, why? I also need to set aside intimate time with the Lord...having no agenda other than to pause life and be still to hear his voice. Awakening has reminded me of the passions the Lord has put in my heart from a young age...I want to go, I want to go to the people who won't have a chance to hear the gospel unless I (or someone else) gives up everything to go and make Him known. Beautiul Things reminds me that He is God and no one less...I need to stop putting Him in a box and doubting how great He is. He made man out of dust. wow. the oh so complicated human body he created with dust and his breath.

I guess bottom line is you know my God is an awesome God. I really wonder how my life would look if I gave him everything, every part of my life, and followed His direction. I am 100% confident that He would keep me in his arms but why is it so hard to say yes to that? silly human nature and free will.

If someone were to ask me hey what have you learned through this short journey of Lyme disease thus far? I would say: My life is not my life, my life belongs to the God who gave me life to start with. I don't know I am definitely not happy with how I stand medically and I definitely wish I could go one day without swallowing pills but you know it may just be worth it if this is what it takes for the Lord to grasp my heart once and for all.

Just another favorite song right now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icLnQhJ8MJc

The Start of A New Season

If you have taken the time to read this I hope you find it interesting, entertaining, and hopefully encouraging. I think it is a wonderful idea to blog about your life for others to know and for me to have the opportunity to look back and see how faithful the Lord has been in my life. My life these days has taken an unexpected turn due to the diagnoses of Lyme disease. I am probably the last person you want to explain it so this website does much better: http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Lyme_disease. I sometimes just have to laugh at the side effects, for example, today I could not remember my student ID number so I guessed and the financial aid guy said, "That is a number for a male student, do you have any ID on you?" I felt really smart.

The Lord has taught me a lot through this journey already. I had "my plans" for my life, which were along the lines of being an RN at 21 and participating in over sea missions. I am 19 living in South Carolina looking at 3-4 more years of school and no where near getting another stamp on my passport. On the same note I am living in a city where there is such a wonderful Christian community filled with brothers and sisters in Christ, a job that I enjoy, and learning that I can't do it all and to trust in Him. What better life could I ask for?

I know that the Lord is working in my life. It is amazing how sometimes (a lot of times) as a human I am so prideful and am convinced that I don't always "need God" but He is just an accessory that makes life a little bit easier and better. It is amazing what it takes for me to realize the He is my everything, without the Lord I have no life.

I am so thankful for how good the Lord is. My prayer has been that the Lord will help me realize the reality of what is going on but also that He will guide me through it. Any time I research Lyme stuff I have a personal rule that I must be listening to worship music to keep me in right mindset of medical facts vs. biblical truths.

He is truly Lifting My Burdens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhzGDaCBb1I